What will my future be????? I wonder.....

Whatever I have written so far has been all cutie cutie stuff. Let me warn you, this is dark, unpleasant.

I have spent 13 years, 2 months and 1 day in medical education. I started my M.B.B.S. on 31st July 1995. I completed my fellowship on 30th September 2008. This involved 41/2 years of M.B.B.S., 1 year internship. The next year was spent travelling to Pune for coaching classes. Then a year of random house posts till my M.S. began in 2003. After completing my M.S. I spent 9 months faffing around, with 2 months cataract surgery training till I got my VR fellowship.

I remember my desperation to get the fellowship. I remember thinking if I don't do VR, I might as well give up ophthalmology & medicine. I remember jumping with joy when I received a call from SN's HR dept guy saying I was selected. And, I remember 2 years of hard work. All to be a VR surgeon.

What if it had not been so??? I could have joined a Diploma in Ophthalmology based on my rank in the first CET. I would have finished it by Dec 2003 or Jan 2004. 2 years before my M.S. I would have done it someplace other than Bombay, would never have been exposed to VR. Would have been more than happy to do cataracts. I would have been happy to do refractions for kids & 40+ year old people, to treat itching & styes. (Would also not have met Hari probably, but that is not the point of this).

I put in a lot of effort. So did so many other people. My parents. They also spent a lot of money in the course, though dad absolutely does not mind or complain. Madhura's parents who put me up at their place every weekend for about 8 months, when I went to Pune for my coaching classes. Punch uncle & Shefu who gave me a home when I did my post graduation in Bombay. These people all have a hand in me being what I am.

What about sacrifices??? I remember Mom teaching me English. Mainly involved a post lunch session, with her lying down on the sofa, me on the floor & both fast asleep in half an hour. I could have done more of other things, continued my painting or dance, learnt French, read some more books, put on less weight.

All to call myself a VR Surgeon.

It sounds like a joke now. Towards the end of my fellowship, I could not wait to finish so I could say 'I am a VR surgeon'. Now when somebody asks me, it sounds like somebody playing a sarcastic prank on me.

I have to get out of this. Have to. Before all the effort goes waste. I am reaching the point of no return. If I don't rectify this now, all will be lost.

Wish me luck. :-)